Infertility can be a deeply challenging journey, filled with emotional highs and lows that test the strength of any relationship. When I discovered a 5cm fibroid before my wedding, the doctor’s direct advice to start trying for a baby hit me hard. As a Christian, I grappled with this news and sought multiple opinions, all while wondering how it might affect my future with my then-boyfriend. I chose to share the news with him, believing he deserved the chance to decide whether to stay with me despite the uncertainty of our ability to have children.
To my surprise, he chose to stay, showing a level of optimism and support that would become the cornerstone of our journey through infertility. As we faced months of trying, dealing with growing fibroids, and confronting the emotional pain of negative pregnancy tests, his unwavering support became a beacon of hope. In the midst of this struggle, our faith, love, and shared commitment were tested in ways we never anticipated.
We married and decided to start trying for children right away, despite the common advice to wait at least two years. Initially, this decision felt right, but as months turned into years and my fibroid grew larger, reality set in. The pain of each negative pregnancy test was overwhelming, and I explored every possible remedy—medications, herbs, lifestyle changes, and fervent prayer. I felt like Hannah from the Bible, pouring out my heart in prayer.
After exploring various options, we decided to undergo a high-risk abdominal myomectomy. The surgery revealed not only the fibroid but also endometriosis and cysts on both ovaries. Although the diagnosis was daunting, I was relieved to keep my womb. My husband’s support remained steadfast throughout my recovery, affirming that his love for me extended beyond our fertility challenges.
Despite his unwavering support, I struggled with feelings of inadequacy—both as a wife, feeling I had failed my husband, and as a daughter-in-law, worried about disappointing my mother-in-law, who longed for grandchildren. Even though neither of them ever made me feel less than, the internal battle I faced was overwhelming. I told my husband, “I no longer want to try. If it’s God’s will for us to have a baby, we will.” To my surprise, and in a twist of fate, it was during this break from actively trying that I became pregnant. It is a beautiful story I have shared vividly in one of my unpublished manuscripts. The joy of discovering I was pregnant while on vacation, away from my husband, and calling him with the news, “I am pregnant!” was an unforgettable moment. Reflecting on our infertility journey, my husband’s unwavering support was a lifeline. He never expressed regret or criticism; his positive attitude was crucial in maintaining the strength of our marriage. Even when the strain affected our intimacy and I was plagued with self-doubt, his love and encouragement were a constant source of comfort.
One of my most cherished memories is waking to find him praying over my womb, a profound gesture of support during our darkest times. His faith in our journey grounded me and reassured me that he valued me beyond our fertility struggles.
For couples navigating similar challenges, here are some ways to support each other:
- Pray together frequently. This strengthens your spiritual bond and provides comfort.
- Speak positive affirmations into each other’s lives. Encouragement can uplift and sustain you during tough times.
- Avoid demeaning or placing blame on the partner with fertility issues. Supportive language and actions are essential.
- Strengthen your connection by enjoying each other’s company and dating regularly. Use this period to deepen your bond, which can fortify your relationship.
- Continue learning about each other and evolving as a couple. Marriage is a continuous journey of growth and discovery.
- Make joint decisions about your path forward. Explore all options together, including risky surgeries, fostering, or adoption. These are difficult conversations, but they are necessary.
Our journey underscores that while each story is unique, emotional support and understanding from a partner can make a significant difference. Infertility is a heavy burden, and having a spouse who stands by you with love and patience is invaluable. Through our experiences, I’ve learned that maintaining a supportive, loving relationship is crucial in navigating this challenging journey. Today, we are blessed with two beautiful children, a testament to our faith and perseverance. While I focus on the birth of my first child, Gabrielle, my son Zakari, who came 5 and a half years later, also followed a road filled with similar struggles involving various treatments, including acupuncture. However, having witnessed God’s work before, I knew He could do it again. Even if He chose not to, we were already grateful for our daughter.
